How Hoeing Changed My Life: A Sex Positive Journey

Sorry mom. And dad. And various other authority figures who for some reason still view me as this innocent little angel who can do no wrong. But I’m also not sorry for speaking my truth and I realize that I’m doing myself and others a disservice by not sharing my life lessons.

Now that the formalities are out of the way, let’s get into this story, because obviously the title is a little…unique to say the least.

Growing up in a Christian household with strict parents, the concept of waiting until marriage to have sex and remaining pure was constantly being preached at me. But like most sheltered kids who go away to college, all of that went out the window as soon as I stepped foot onto campus. Granted, I didn’t go as wild as I could have that first year (mainly due to the fact that I still had a Pick-Me mindset-another story for another occasion) but I did go through a short period of cognitive dissonance when I met my ex. I was so in love with this person and we were both virgins, so the timing seemed perfect. Not to mention the fact that our friends knew we were virgins and there was plenty of peer pressure on both of us to finally grow up and lose it to each other. So we did. I wasn’t a virgin anymore. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel a tiny bit of guilt, but I brushed it off by thinking “well, I’ve only slept with this one person and we intend on getting married anyways, so it’s not like it even matters.”

beyonce annoyed face

Fast forward to the end of our relationship. At the very beginning of our drawn out, tumultuous breakup, I ended up hooking up with a close guy friend of mine. And that’s how I caught my second body. He was giving me the attention that I wasn’t getting from my ex, I was no longer in a committed relationship, and he was cute so why not? To a normal person, having only two sexual partners in your lifetime isn’t anything to blink at. But me being fresh out of a toxic relationship, I felt otherwise. My ex and his friends found out and proceeded to villainize me as if I was this horrible, awful slut who broke their friend’s heart. Never mind the fact that the asshole cheated on me twice (the last time being a week before my birthday), was controlling and sexually abusive, and contributed to my suicidal ideations. No, I was suddenly the worst person on campus simply for sleeping with someone other than him.

And I started to believe them.

With everything else that went on during the Year That Shall Not Be Named, I felt overwhelmingly guilty and alone. My body was no longer mine anymore. I felt like my self-worth was validated solely by my body count. I let the opinions of 5 or 6 boys dictate my value as a woman. Why was I being shamed for something that men do without any backlash or remorse?

slut walk toronto

After reaching a point where I was able to address my traumas head on, I began to do research on the sex positivity movement. This was right around the time that Amber Rose started hosting the Slutwalk in Los Angeles and I was intrigued. I wasn’t used to seeing women who were bold and unapologetic for going against societal norms. And they seemed so happy and free.

Amber Rose slut walk los angeles

I don’t know if it was just a weird coping mechanism or because I’m a stubborn Sagittarius, but somewhere along the line I decided to say “F**k it” and reclaim myself. Reclaim my body, reclaim my mind, and reclaim the phrases hoe and slut. If I was going to be seen as a hoe no matter what I did, I might as well be a happy, carefree hoe. At the end of the day, people are always going to have something to say about what I do, especially when they only see one side of the story, but I decided to choose myself first always.

So that’s exactly what I did. I went to therapy. I experimented with different styles of clothing and learned to love my body and its new curves. I went through alternating periods of celibacy and promiscuity. But overall, I started living my life for myself and myself only.

Becoming sex positive has taught me that I’m more than capable of making my own decisions. It’s taught me that I can define my sexuality on my own terms, not anyone else’s. That I can finally stop beating myself up for not conforming to the restrictions that society and religion love to place on women. Now that the weight of shame and guilt are no longer holding me back, I can get back to my journey of self-discovery and keep growing into a strong-willed and powerful woman.

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Has anyone else deemed themselves as sex positive? What has your journey into sexual liberation looked like for you?

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I’ll Take Your Man

I wish this was one of those petty triumph stories where I come out on top after stealing some hating girl’s man. I wish.

But it’s not. I was the one who’s man got took.

First off, this is why you should never get caught up in a situationship, because that’s how you end up crying and stressing over a man who’s not really your man. And best believe he’s nowhere near as pressed about the situation as you are. But I digress.

When I transferred to my new school, I began to form friendships with my peers. I started talking to the first guy who showed interest in me on campus (I know, I know) and we ended up crushing on each other, which lead to us kind of sort of dating for the next few months (read: hooking up without clearly defining what the relationship was). Everything was great…until it wasn’t anymore. Emotionally, I just wasn’t ready for a serious relationship and let my emotions screw everything up. He eventually just stopped trying and I got ghosted, never to hear from him again.

That’s when I looked towards my girlfriends for support. To gas me up and say things like “girl, he didn’t deserve you in the first place” and “you’re still that bitch with or without him”. Little did I know that one of my closest friends was sleeping with him and everyone in our friend group knew. Everyone except me.

Imagine the distraught look on my face when I had to find this out from my roommate. Here I am, smiling and akiki-ing with this girl while she’s lying to my face. In hindsight, I see that maybe she and the rest of our friends wanted to protect me from getting hurt but being kept in the dark felt 10 times worse. I looked stupid and felt even more stupid. I completely isolated myself from everyone and couldn’t even bear to show my face on campus anymore (which my gpa is STILL recovering from).

The worst part was finding out that he did things for her that I couldn’t get him to do at all for me, like going out on dates and spending time together and actually committing to being in a real relationship. Why the hell wasn’t I good enough? What was wrong with me?

I was hurt, embarrassed and betrayed. I was even more frustrated by feeling all of these emotions in the first place because I can’t be upset when he was never officially mine to begin with. But the pain was there nonetheless. I couldn’t heal until I acknowledged and validated my feelings. I had to be kinder to myself and figure this out.

There were a few intrusive thoughts that I had to address:

“Why wasn’t I good enough?”

The fact that he decided to be with her in no way means that you are less then. Don’t you ever feel as if you’re not enough, because you’ll be more than enough for the right person. He just wasn’t the one and maybe she was just a better match for him. That doesn’t lessen your personal value in any way.

“But she was one of my closest friends on campus. I confided in her about my past hurt and she still took it upon herself to hurt me anyways. I was stupid for trusting her.”

You’re not stupid for trusting a friend. Really, the whole situation says a lot more about who she truly is as a person than it does about you. Don’t let this experience make you bitter. Keep loving and caring and trusting people because that’s who you are. The right ones will appreciate it and return the feeling.

“I just don’t understand how she could do that. I could never treat someone I call my friend like that.”

A hard but necessary life lesson to learn is that not everyone thinks like you. Not everyone is going to share the same values, standards or morals that you do. And it sucks. But it makes it easier to understand why people may act they way they do instead of dwelling on how they hurt you. Now instead of thinking “How could they do that?” you can just say “Clearly bitches is just out here being uncouth and I choose to not be a part of that”.

So would I say that I’m completely over it? Honestly no. But it gets easier every day. Healing isn’t this linear process. It’s messy, confusing and frustrating. But it’s also calming and reassuring. I’ve found peace within my healing process. I know that I can handle whatever life decides to throw at me.

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Sis, You Deserve Better

** Content Warning: self harm, panic attacks. If these topics upset you or cause you distress, then you may want to skip this read. If you choose to continue reading, I have listed relevant resources at the end. **

I had a nightmare the other day while taking a nap and I’m still SHOOK from it. It reminded me of that cheesy Christmas movie where there’s a ghost that shows some guy his past, present and future (A Christmas Carol, maybe?) and my future was not looking good at all.

So a bit of background: either I’m just stupid or sadistic, but for the past few months, I’ve been trying to rebuild a relationship with my ex. Nothing romantic at all, because those feelings are completely gone, but I guess I wanted to see if a friendship was possible since that seemed like the “mature” right thing to do. But, as you can expect anything related to exes to go, things haven’t been working out. It’s been this annoying cycle of him sending “hey stranger” texts, me feeling bad and thinking “oh, maybe he’s actually changed this time” and responding to said texts, talking for about a week, then me getting ghosted after I try to carry 99% of the emotional labor that a friendship requires. Wash, rinse, repeat.

Fast forward to now where my dumb ass is on my 5th or 6th time getting ghosted and my fingers are literally itching to text him, either to cuss him out or genuinely see how he’s doing. Luckily I’ve been too busy with family and creative stuff so I haven’t actually had the time to hit him up, but then I had that nightmare.

So the dream starts off pretty normal, just me sitting there (in a hotel room for whatever reason) with my parents and I’m debating on sending him a passive aggressive text. I finally decide to send something along the lines of “hey, you know a phone works both ways, right?”. Shortly after sending the message, I get a response, which was already alarming considering that he usually doesn’t respond back until 5 to 7 business days later, if at all.  It’s from his number, but it’s not him. It’s from some random girl:

 “Hi, this is _____’s new girlfriend. I would really appreciate if you could stop texting my man.”

“He’s not responding because he’s obviously not interested in you, friends or otherwise. So you’re just making yourself look desperate and pitiful.”

“And I know you’ve been talking about him on your shitty little blog, so that needs to end too.”

“Just move on sis, because he clearly doesn’t want anything to do with your crazy ass.”

This went on for like 15 texts and every time my phone went off, there was another demeaning, cruel message. I was distraught. I ran to the bathroom so my parents didn’t have to see me crying and upset over the messages. I sat on the floor having a panic attack from the crying fit and reached for the razor blade on the sink and began cutting myself. I felt even more upset for doing that and having to hide everything from my parents who were less than 3 feet away. And that was it. I woke up.

It’s possible that it was just a random dream caused by eating too much apple pie before falling asleep, but it felt too vivid and real to just be random. It felt like an omen. Like my subconscious was trying to tell me “girl, if you don’t get your shit together and let him go, then this is what you can expect.” I never want to feel that level of pain or embarrassment.

The two points that really shook me to my core was the comment about my blog and the way too detailed imagery of me cutting. Not too many people know that I used to self-harm and I’ve been insanely proud of myself for not self-harming for 3 years, despite the continuous ups and downs with my mental health. Texting him isn’t worth relapsing and ruining everything that I worked too damn hard on. It’s not worth reopening wounds and bringing back those intense feelings of pain and distrust. My blog was another major accomplishment of mine that helped bring me out of a dark place, so to have this faceless woman talk down about it like it’s nothing made me feel worthless.

*Whew* So if you stayed all the way up until this point, you’re a real one. I say all of this to say that sometimes you absolutely have to let things go, no matter how much it hurts. I know that anxiety can cause people to ruminate on things more than your average person and that makes it just that much harder to let things go, but you risk causing yourself more pain by holding onto something that’s not for you rather than peacefully moving on. That’s what this nightmare/wake-up call showed me. Although social media and society overall makes me feel bitter and childish for not being able to maintain a friendship with my ex, I realize that I don’t owe him that at all. I don’t owe him my friendship, my love, or access to my presence. Instead of chasing after something that’s been dead for years, I choose to put that effort into finding those who genuinely love and care for me, both platonically and romantically.

P.S., and just in case there really is some imaginary new girlfriend lurking on my blog, thanks for the views bitch, you’re only putting more money on my wallet 🖕🏼.

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**If you need to speak to someone immediately, please utilize any of the links below**

To Write Love On Her Arms

One Love All Equal (List of self-harm hotlines)

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Working at a “Breastaurant”

Once upon a time, I opened my dorm’s group chat to see if whether or not the girl who lives on the third floor was selling brownies this week and in the midst of my scrolling, I came across a post that said “Fun serving job position available. DM me if you’re pretty and outgoing”.

Me, being the broke college student I was thought to myself “Hey! I’m somewhat alright looking and my personality is decent. Plus, this tuition isn’t gonna pay itself.” So I messaged the girl who made the post and she introduced me to Tilted Kilt.

For those who aren’t familiar with Tilted Kilt, it is a restaurant chain among a select few other chains affectionately known as “breastaurants”. Think Hooters, but with slightly less clothing (if that’s even possible).

So why would a seemingly shy and innocent girl choose to expose herself in such a way?

maya gif

I guess part of me wanted to try something new. I wanted to learn how to be comfortable in my body. So I schedule my interview/uniform fitting and I decide to tell the people closest to me about my plans:

bae message

My interview day comes up and even though it’s pouring down rain, I’m surprisingly optimistic. I meet with the general manager and thank God he’s normal and chill. A small part of me expected him to be one of those pervy types who preys on unsuspecting college girls looking for mad money.

We go through the basic interview process of him asking dating profile like questions and me filling out the application. Then I went into another room to prepare for the fitting. Obviously, being able to fit into the uniforms is a major requirement. I believe the sizes varied from an extra small to a large, which leaves a bit more room for a variety of body types, unlike some restaurants.

Rumor has it that the largest size Hooters offers is a medium. A medium

eyeroll

So I put on the entire uniform (which was a task in itself) and I’m pleasantly surprised. I came off as more “cute and girly” rather than “sexy ebony woman ready for a fun time”. I snapped a photo to my mother and she was super relieved as well.

Fast forward to a few months later when I actually started working. Keep in mind that I worked for all of one week before I had to come back home, but it was a life-changing week.

*cue sappy, dramatic music*

I loved my time working there. A lot of people think that working in an all female environment can cause cattiness, but I felt nothing but love and empowerment. It was like dancing backup for a Beyonce music video.

For once, I actually felt like my body was beautiful. I spent the majority of my life being made fun of for being too skinny and now I had the power to use my skinniness to my advantage. You couldn’t tell me nothing. I gained so much confidence in the short time that I was there and learned how to fully embrace sisterhood.

Would I ever consider doing it again? Yes and no.

Yes, because the experience was amazing.

No, because I’m 100% sure that my uniform no longer fits.

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My #MeToo Experience

** Content Warning: sexual abuse, sexual coercion. If these topics upset you or cause you distress, then you may want to skip this read. If you choose to continue reading, I have listed relevant resources at the end. **

When I came back home after my sophomore year in school, I was afraid of everything- but I had no clue why. I was afraid of the idea of dating again. I was terrified of men in general. I could be minding my business in public and if a man even slightly glanced in my direction, I would burst into tears and have panic attacks bad enough to the point that I wouldn’t be bothered with going out anymore. It was the weirdest, most frustrating, and most confusing thing to me. When I tried to explain my fear to the counselor I was seeing at that time, she kind of brushed it off and contributed it to the fact that I was going through a tough breakup and just chalked it up as an irrational fear. Okay cool, but…why was I still feeling like this then? Why am I acting like a rape victim when I’ve never been raped or anything remotely close to it?”

It wasn’t until almost two years after the fact when I had the opportunity to join my school’s Title IX Sex Discrimination Student Commission (which by the way, was the best decision of my college career) that I was able to educate myself on various types of sexual abuse and finally came to the realization that I was a victim myself.

I was 18. I was in a relationship with someone that I loved and trusted. At least 90% of our sexual encounters involved some form of me saying no and stop while he proceeded to ignore my cries of pain. The few times that I chose to turn down his advances turned into at least another 15+ minutes of him either persuading or guilting me into sex which I eventually gave into in hopes of just keeping the peace. At times, he would even record us having sex without my prior consent or knowledge, which of course sends my anxiety through the roof because I’ll never know what happened to the videos.

I don’t consider myself a rape survivor. But I was still a victim of sexual abuse. I fell victim to sexual coercion and violation of consent. Looking back on it now, it seems obvious that all of this was sexual abuse and should have been addressed long ago. So why didn’t I notice that something was wrong?

I honestly did not know better. And neither did he. Imagine these two virgins who have barely even grasped the concept of adulthood, much less the idea of a healthy relationship, trying to rush into a sexual relationship before any of us were ready for it. So, despite my physical pain and guilt and depression, I wrote everything off because I assumed that this was normal in relationships. Saying no wasn’t an option because “this was my boyfriend, I’m supposed to be having sex with him, whether I like it or not”. I had no more say over my body or what happens to it.

I chose to write about my #MeToo experience because consent isn’t always common sense. Most people know how to identify and avoid rape, but what about those who experience sexual abuse in their relationships?

My hope is to reach out to other people who have been in my place and may not even realize that what they’re going through is sexual abuse. I want to educate people about the different forms of sexual assault and encourage them to maintain autonomy over their bodies.

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How My HBCU Failed Me (And hundreds of other students)

This is probably the first controversial topic I’ve ever discussed on my blog, but it’s beyond necessary, especially now. I’ve talked about my issues with my previous university, but I’ve been vague about it, in fear of being retaliated against by both current and former students, but seeing as I have no more ties with them, why not go into detail about my experiences? So, sit back, grab a snack, and listen as I spill some tea about the infamous Howard University.

tea sipping gif

Anyone that knows me knows that Howard has been my dream school for as long as I can remember. Back in high school, during the rush of college applications and standardized tests, while other students were making what seemed like the biggest decision of their young lives, my mind was set: I was going to Howard University. When I finally got my acceptance a few days before Christmas in my senior year, chile, you couldn’t tell me anything. I was on top of the world. I was really about to go all the way to DC to live out my dreams and become a Howard woman.

As most of you guys know, that dream crashed and burned. I was at this university that had a ton of issues and I was afraid to speak out on them. At first, I tried to stay as positive as possible. I mean, this was my dream school, I should act like it. But as time went on and it seemed like things continuously got worse, I became extremely discontent with my alma matter. I felt kinda like that green grouchy thing in the trash can from Sesame Street (you know what I’m talking about, right?). Everything that was coming out of my mouth was a complaint about something new. Something got turned off in the dorm, I can’t register, none of my classes are available, my professor never gets here on time, my RA hates my guts. Literally everything. And I felt so isolated and alone. I would try to discuss my discontent with my friends, but most of them were on a scholarship, so they wrote off my complaints as me just being negative. I mean, you’d be a little miffed too if you were spending $4,400 a semester to live in a dorm with no heat or hot water in the middle of a week long blizzard.

But that’s another rant for another day.

Fast forward to the present, where a group of Concerned Administrators, Faculty, and Staff drafted a letter calling for the resignation of the current university president. At first, I thought “Well, that’s a bit much, isn’t it? He seems like a nice enough guy. He genuinely cares for the wellbeing of his students and he tried his best”.

nah gif chief keef

This 16-page letter laid out all the ways that the president has brought Howard into this downward spiral. It spilled ALLL the tea, sis. Stuff that I wasn’t even aware went down. But what really hit me was the section where he lied, made excuses for, delicately explained why Howard’s student enrollment is the lowest it’s ever been in 20 years. His response?

“University applications were up to 18,000 for fall 2016 from 13,000 in 2015. The university has more students than it’s ever had in it’s history. We expect to have a large percentage of these applicants for admissions! Enrollment is a tic up! We are going to accept students who are high performers and can pay!

Sir.

hand roast

First off, why are you even concerned with the students you plan on accepting when you can’t even keep the students you already have enrolled in the first place? The enrollment is rapidly dropping because of lack of funding, incompetent administration, and people simply being tired of the bullshit and transferring elsewhere.

But the last statement is what hurts the most. The fact that you only seem to care about those students who are able to pay for their education and put more money in your pockets. I’ve personally dealt with a ton of hurt and disappointment about not being able to go back to my “dream school” just because of mine and my family’s finances, so when I read that statement, it was like the president of my own university was telling me that I don’t belong at this school just because I come from a low-income family. It’s the most ignorant, inconsiderate thing to say, especially when the vast majority of your students, these brilliant black men and women, are receiving some form of financial aid to help pay for their education. While I understand that you obviously need money to keep the university running, it’s shocking that you would put money before your students.

Again, I was weary of even posting this in the first place, because I can already hear the alumni now…

“HEY! DON’T YOU DARE TALK ILL ABOUT MY BELOVED INSTITUTION! YOU’RE JUST SALTY BECAUSE YOU DIDN’T GRADUATE FROM THE REAL HU!”

drake yelling meme

But I realize now that my feelings are valid and much needed. Somebody needed to speak up and I’m so grateful for the other students on campus who are constantly protesting and speaking out who helped me find my voice. To those alumni who fiercely stand up for this university that they love so much, I hope that you realize that you can love something/someone and not necessarily love what they do. You should want better for your university and the future generations of scientists, doctors, and artists who attend it.

“But we went through all the same stuff and it made us better people! These kids nowadays are just too damn sensitive to everything! It’s all a part of the Howard experience.”

Good for you. But you should still want your university to do better. There’s nothing cute or traditional about a boys’ freshman dorm being notorious for not having air conditioning for the past 30 to 40 years or the roof of a girls freshman dorm literally falling apart when a few strong gusts of wind blow past it. What’s wrong with simply asking that we as students get what we’re paying for and holding the higher ups accountable?

All I’m asking for is the number one HBCU in the nation to act like it and step their game up.

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Confessions of a College Dropout (sort of): The benefits of taking a break from college

Over the past few months, I’ve come to terms with being a college dropout. It’s still hard for me to even call myself a dropout, especially since I have all intentions of going back, but considering that it’s been almost a full year since I’ve been out of school, the term fits pretty well. Plus, it’s not like it’s a bad word. I mean, there’s so many successful people out there who have dropped out and are making tons of money, so I’m in good company.

famous college dropouts

I didn’t intend on taking such a long break away from school. I literally had to be dragged away kicking and screaming from my campus. But I’m so glad that I did. When I got back home and got over the initial shock of not going back, I felt an odd sense of relief. When I left my campus after finals in May, I left with my very last bit of sanity and ¼ of my belongings (seriously, most of my stuff is still stuck in DC). I was emotionally and mentally drained beyond belief. If you’ve been feeling the same way lately, then maybe it’s time for a break.

First things first, please know that there is ABSOLUTELY nothing wrong with taking some time off from school. During my first few months off, I felt ashamed to tell people that I was taking a break. I felt like I let down all these people who were so proud of me for going away to school. Trust and believe that people will be more supportive and understanding than you’d expect. The vast majority of people understand that college is an expensive investment and it’s not meant for everyone. And for those who don’t understand, don’t stress about them. At the end of the day, it’s your life and just because you chose to take a different life path doesn’t mean it’s the wrong path. Regardless, it’s still a controversial decision that a lot of students struggle with. Here’s why I personally believe that taking a break from college can actually benefit you in the long run.

Getcho “ish” together!

Don’t let all those stereotypical college movies fool you: being a student is exhausting. Between classes and clubs and having a social life while barely having time to sleep, it’s easy to get burned out quickly. During my last semester of school, I was taking 17 credits, doing research, looking for a part time job, and going through a breakup, all while trying to act like everything was okay. It’s okay to take time to recollect yourself and come back. More than likely, you’ll be able to come back with a new outlook on your goals and more motivation to reach the finish line.

Finding your passion(s)

My first few months out of school were particularly hard because I went through a super dramatic early mid-life crisis. Me, being the Academy Award winning drama queen that I am figured that since I can’t afford to go to college, I better start looking for another life plan. But…what else could I do? The only thing I knew for the past 12+ years of my life was how to be a student and now that that’s gone, what else is there to do?

After crying like a huge baby for days and then pulling myself out of my pity party, I just started trying new things, mainly just to fill in the large amount of free time I had, but also to prove to myself that there’s more to me than just being a student. I was able to reignite some old talents of mine like drawing and writing, and even discover new talents like hair and makeup. I would have never been able to discover these talents while I was still in school, and best of all, I’ll be able to take these new talents with me to whatever school I attend next.

Consider ALL possible options

This one is more so aimed towards those graduating high school, but it could apply to college transfers as well. Taking some time off between high school and college gives you more time to consider all of your options rather than making a rushed decision. I personally think it’s better to make the most of a gap year by researching schools and programs, seeing which schools provide the most financial aid, and finding a major that you’re happy with rather than spending your first two years as an undecided major with over 10 grand in debt and less than 10 transferable credits.

laughing crying gif

Just sayin’

The overall message here is that it’s okay to take some time to recollect yourself outside of going to college. I promise you will be so much better and stronger because of it. Even if you’re like me and you didn’t intend on taking a break, make the best of it. Life throws crazy situations at us, but it’s up to us to decide how we choose to handle them.

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How To Give Your Lipsticks a Makeover: Lipstick Hacks

With online shopping becoming so popular, it’s easy to get caught up in the excitement and let our eyes get bigger than our wallets. One of my guilty pleasures is buying makeup online, but unfortunately, I ended up with some shades that were…not so pretty. So I decided to experiment and find a few hacks to fix them, because I don’t know about y’all, but I definitely don’t have money to waste on a lipstick that I can’t use.

lipsticks

So here are the offending colors from left to right: Lime Crime velvetine matte lipstick in Squash, Colourpop ultra matte lipstick in Midi, Colourpop ultra metallic lipstick in 3-way, and Dose of Colors matte lipstick in Truffle. It’s worth mentioning that 3-way and Truffle are fakes that I brought from the Wish app, so that more than likely accounts for their bad quality. Also, a quick disclaimer about buying fake makeup online: it’s important to know what risks you’re taking when you buy makeup from online sellers like Wish or Aliexpress. Usually, these products are coming from countries like China and their regulations are different from what the FDA has in America, so you never really know exactly what they’re putting in your makeup. I honestly don’t mind taking that risk, because hey, if it doesn’t work out, at least I’m only spending $2 or $3 rather than wasting $15 on an original that might even have the same harmful ingredients, because you’d be surprised what the FDA allows in things nowadays.

But I digress. Back to my tacky lipsticks.

The other two are definitely real deal, straight from the website, OG originals though, so Lime Crime and Colourpop had no excuse for those lipsticks to look the way they did. You’ll just have to see for yourself how bad they were.

So to begin this roasting session, let’s start with my least favorite of them all: Squash

lipstick lime crime squash

I don’t know how I decided that orange lipstick was the shade for me. I read the name and thought “ooh, squash sounds interesting! They’re usually pretty colored, right? It should be perfect for the fall!” More like perfect for Halloween. And on top of the color being terrible, the actual quality of the lipstick was bad too. It went on really patchy, had a weird consistency, and dried my lips out way more than a normal matte lipstick should. Not what you expect from a $20 liquid lipstick, right?

Hack #1: Adding lotion

lotion cocoa butter brush

So as crazy as this sounds, this hack actually worked out pretty well and I ended up doing it for all of my unwanted lipsticks. Not only did it improve the consistency, it stopped the matte lipsticks from drying out my lips too much. You can use a small eyeshadow brush to gently place the lotion in the lipstick tube and then use the lipstick applicator to mix everything together.

The after-look:

lipstick squash lime crime

After I mixed in the lotion, I also patted a little bit of gold eyeshadow on top just to give it a little bit of sparkle. It’s still not one of my favorites, but at least it’s a small improvement. Ah well.

The next lipstick on my “fix-it” list is Midi, and Lord, does this one need to be fixed.

lipstick colourpop midi

I just…I can’t with this color. All I wanted was a cute baby pink and instead I look like a clown. Colourpop usually has amazing shades, like Tulle or Zipper, but they really tried my whole life with this shade. Got me outchea looking like Dave Chappelle.

dave chapelle gig

Hack #2: Mix in another lipstick

lipsticks

I actually used this hack for both Midi and Truffle since it worked so well. I used an old school Fashion Fair red lipstick for Midi and a bronze Black Radiance lipstick for Truffle. Since these were lipsticks that I no longer plan on using, I just scraped off the top of them and mixed them into the liquid lipsticks. Make sure to use small pieces and gradually add in more as needed, otherwise your lipstick tube will overflow and get all over your black shirt that you just got finished washing.

The after-look:

colour pop midi doseofcolors truffle

I absolutely loved how these ones came out. Midi went from being entirely too light for me to being this perfect shade of bubblegum pink, and the Fashion Fair lipstick mixed in made it super soft and silky on my lips. Truffle turned into this gorgeous mauve, almost nude kind of shade with a little bit of metallic shine to it from the Black Radiance lipstick.

Speaking of metallic, that brings me to my last shade: 3-way

colourpop metallic lipstick 3way

I’m sure the original shade would have been gorgeous, but this fake just wasn’t cutting it for me. It was really patchy and sheer, it dried a little too quickly, it seemed really liquidy. It was just weird altogether.

Hack #3: Add in a few tiny scoops of eyeshadow

colourpop eyeshadow lagirl concealer

After adding in the lotion and concealer to thicken the mixture a little, I also added in a few scoops of eyeshadow to help it keep it’s metallic finish. I used the shades Animal and Sunset Blvd from Colourpop. A little goes a long way with this hack.

The after-look:

colourpop 3way metallic lipstick

This was another one that I wasn’t super impressed with, but it definitely improved the overall feel of the lipstick. I might go back and add another color to it, just so it doesn’t look so bland.

Overall, I’m pretty content with how the new colors came out. I’m glad that I was able to find a use for them and not have them go to waste. Have any other lipstick hacks to add? Or have you tried these ones out before? Let me know in the comments section below!

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Peach Cobbler Makeup Tutorial

Here’s my second installment of my food inspired makeup series: peach cobbler! I’ve been dying to do a peachy type of look for a while, so I challenged myself to do one without the Sweet Peach palette, because that would make it too easy, right?

I decided to go with an even better palette: The Nubian 2 palette from Juvia’s Place. You might be noticing a theme with these palettes, because they’re the only two high quality palettes that I own. But, until the big bucks start rolling in and I can buy more palettes, you’ll be seeing a lot more of these palettes. I promise to keep all the looks versatile and unique! Without further ado, let’s start with the tutorial.

morocco shade juvias place nubian2 paletteeyeshadow juvias place palette

After putting on eye shadow primer to help the colors pop a little bit more, I started off with the shade Morocco along the crease of my eyelid. Even though this color was closer to orange, it was the closest thing I could find to a peachy type of shade, so we gon’ make it work! I also used the shade Madagascar as a transition color beneath my eyebrows and to tone down Morocco just a bit.

cut crease la girl concealer

Using an angled eyeliner brush, I then went in with my LA Girl Pro concealer to carve out the cut crease. I realized later on that this wasn’t really a necessary step since I ended up putting shadow over the crease, but it still helped the overall look come out just a bit neater.

eyeshadowseyeshadows juvias place

Then for the fun part! I gently patted on the colors Nefertiti, Nairobi, and Zuri to my eyelid. I absolutely love shimmer shades and these colors went on perfectly. For the bottom lashline, I went in with an orange eyeliner and smudged it out with Morocco.

covergirl finishing powdermascara eyeliner

So just to switch things up, I decide to try baking for the first time today. I used the Covergirl professional loose finishing powder in translucent fair. I’m not super fond of the smell of this powder, but it’s good for a beginner such as myself.  As the powder was setting, I went ahead and lined my eyes with my trustworthy Maybelline Eyestudio gel eyeliner in black and did my lashes with Maybelline mega plush mascara. Quick side note: please don’t be cheap like me and keep using the same eyeliner for over 4 years. Makeup does have an expiration date and it’s not healthy to use it past that date, especially with eye products. So as much as I loved my gel eyeliner, I finally had to cough up the $11 to replace it.

melted liquid lipstick chihuahua

After I brushed off the setting powder and added highlight, I finished the look with my Too Faced melted liquid lipstick in the shade Chihuahua.

peach cobbler makeup tutorial

And here’s the finished look! I can’t tell you guys how much I really love these Juvia’s Place palettes. The amount of looks that you can do with them are endless. Who would have known it was possible to do a peachy eye look without having to drop over $40 on a peach palette?

Any more ideas for #FoodieFriday looks? Let me know in the comments section!

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Smores Inspired Makeup Tutorial

As I was coming up with ideas for new ways to experiment with makeup, I figured why not base a look after the most delectable, amazing dessert in the planet? Smores!

Everyone who knows me knows that smores have been my favorite food lately. I live, eat, and breathe smores. So of course I had so much fun creating this look. Keep in mind that I am faaaar from a professional MUA, so this is all trial and error.

makeup fresh faced

As always, I start with a fresh canvas (fresh, meaning foundation on and eyebrows fleeked) and tape along the corners of my eyes to make the shadow appear sharp and clean in the end. Just a quick heads up, the tape will pick up some of your foundation, concealer, or highlight when you peel it off, so that’s a major concern for you, then it’s best to do that after applying the shadow.

For this look, I mainly used my Nubian 1 palette from Juvia’s Place. This palette has so many gorgeous, warm brown shades that give off this chocolaty vibe. I also used the shade Zuri from the Nubian 2 palette for the “marshmallow” part along the crease.

Nubian 1 palette

First, I start off by highlighting my brow bone with the lightest brown circled at the top. Since it was a matte shade, it turned out to be more of a transition shade rather than a highlight, but it gets the job done either way. Since I couldn’t choose between which of the bottom three shades to use, I just tossed all three of them bad boys on there at once and blended like my life depended on it.

makeup cut crease

Once I finished blending, I dabbed a little bit of my LA Girl Pro concealer on my hand and used an angled eyeliner brush to create the cut crease. Y’all, please don’t let these makeup gurus on YouTube and Instagram fool you, cut creases are hard as hell to do. This step alone took me at least a good 15 to 20 minutes. That’s per eye!

Anyways, once I got through the task of creating the cut crease, I used a few more of the dark brown shades to pack onto my eyelid with a flat shadow brush. To make the crease line look a little bit more “fluffy” (lame pun, I know), I used NYX liquid crystal liner in silver along the crease and while the liner was still slightly wet, I gently went over it with the shade Zuri from my other palette to create that soft, marshmallow effect. After adding eyeliner and lashes, we’re done with the eyes!

makeup lips

For the lips, I used a black lipstick as a base and then layered my forever favorite Colourpop matte lipstick in the color Limbo on top. On a sidenote, don’t sleep on these beauty supply store brands, because that black lipstick was amazingly pigmented and gave me exactly the dark chocolate lip color that I was going for.

makeup finished look smores

And here’s the finished look! I was actually pleasantly surprised with how it came out, considering this only my second time trying a cut crease. Let me know what you guys think in the comments section! I’m thinking about turning this into a series and coming up with different food inspired makeup looks to try out. Let me know if you’d like to see more looks like this and leave suggestions for different foods to try. I’m currently eyeing this peach cobbler in my fridge, thinking of a master plan.

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